There are three sides to every story: My side; your side; and the truth. This tends to be the way things work in every part of life, with little exceptions. Being in college and being surrounded by different people every day, I start to hear reoccurring complaints about today’s dating world.
“He only wants to hook up.”
“He says he likes me but isn’t ready for a relationship.”
“She doesn’t want anything serious.”
“Loyal girls don’t exist.”
The funny thing about these complaints is that they’re all similar in nature. In fact, they all seem pretty easy to fix, too. Think about it, if both the man and woman made appropriate changes, neither party would be able to have these complaints.
However, this isn’t the case. We made our bed, and now we have to sleep in it. We are to blame for the culture we created because we refuse to uphold the standards we might have had in the past.
It’s so easy to blame someone else for their behavior, but maybe we are more to blame than we think.
Take the classic problem where a guy puts minimal effort into getting to know a girl, and even though she realizes this, she caves and they start hooking up with her knowing there is no actual intention of a relationship.
It’s easy to blame the guy for putting in the minimal effort and only wanting to hang out past a certain hour, but once you agree to this, you’re in the wrong just as much as he is.
Turns out, guys are simple creatures to an extent. Often times, they tell us exactly how they feel, but as women, we try to find a hidden message that might, hopefully explain why he held your hand at a party even though he told you he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Sure, not all guys are the same. There are men who believe it’s easier to tell the girl exactly what she wants to hear, because he thinks the process will be smoother. However, once he’s gotten what he wanted, he then has to go through the grueling process of ending something that wasn’t really there in the first place (cue emotional roller coaster for the gal).
With all this said, where do we go from here? Do we blame everyone but ourselves and keep drinking half a bottle of Merlot each time we are let down by a crush? Probably not.
I think it starts with standards. We all need to go back to the time where standards are the reason we either take a chance with someone, or remove them from our lives. I often hear people tell others to be selfish, to go after what they want, etc., but maybe being selfish leads to bad decisions and hoping that it won’t end the way you know it will. Instead of being selfish, be smart. If a girl is known for her disloyalty, why even go there? If a guy is showing signs that you’re not a priority in his life, why keep hoping things will change?
If everyone tried to go back to having higher standards, the dating world would probably be a lot smoother, more honest and less dramatic. I always strive for easiness in relationships, because it doesn’t make sense for a relationship to be difficult.
So instead of spending your days hoping that a particular person will finally change, realize that they won’t change until they realize they have to. If you try to make things “easier” by accepting little effort, no commitment and an overall lack of caring, then you will forever deal with exactly that. No one is going to go above and beyond for someone who accepts mediocre behavior. So put down that bottle of Merlot, raise your standards and enjoy the process.